Muse - Fighting Fate #1 Read online

  I hadn’t thought about that. I was such a dick. I’d been so consumed with my own feelings of hurt and despair, I hadn’t even thought for one minute how it could be affecting Mia. I was such a fucking selfish prick. What kind of fucked up boyfriend was I? I didn’t even fucking deserve her.

  Turning around, I punched right through the drywall.

  “Fuck, dude stop!” Aiden called.

  I thumped my forehead against the wall and kept it there, breathing hard.

  A small gasp came from the doorway. “That’s naughty, Jace!”

  Ruby’s little voice cut me.

  “It was an accident princess. He didn’t mean it,” I heard Aiden say.

  “Mommy’s not gonna be happy,” she said in a sing-song voice.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right, little one. Mommy’s going to be pretty cranky.”

  She sighed and I heard Aiden lift her up. “I don’t want Jace to get into trouble.” I could imagine the little pout she’d have on her lips when she said that. “We could stick a picture over the hole…? Mommy won’t know it’s there then.”

  Her protectiveness was killing me. I was fucking this all up.

  A little hand softly touched my arm. “Don’t cry, Jace. I’ll tell Mommy I did it. She won’t yell at me.”

  I looked up at her. “I’m not crying, baby.” But I wanted too. I reached for her and she came without pause. “It’s okay. You should always face up to your mistakes. I’ll tell Mommy I’m sorry and she can yell at me all she wants.”

  She looked up at me with her bright green eyes wide and vulnerable. “Okay.” Wrapping her little arms around my neck, she squeezed hard. “I love you, Jace,” she whispered in my ear.

  “Love you too, munchkin.” Putting her back down, I kissed the top of her head. “You go back and watch the fairies now, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I watched her run off before thumping my head back against the wall.

  “Man, you seriously need to invest in a punching bag – preferably one in each room…”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.”

  He sighed and leant against the wall next to me. I knew he didn’t really know what to do with me. I’d never been even remotely emotional the whole time we’d known each other. Dean was the one we expected this kind of shit from.

  Leaving my forehead against the wall, I punched the wall beside me, but this time not hard enough to dent. “I shouldn’t have fucking let her go to school by herself. I knew us dating would be a big fucking deal. What kind of fucked up boyfriend does that? I fed her to the fucking wolves.”

  I saw him shake his head out the corner of my eye. “Fuck, man. Mia’s a big girl. I spoke to her Monday morning before I left and she was fine. She knew what to expect and she was okay with that. She was actually happy that she didn’t have to hide and pretend anymore.”

  I groaned. “I still should’ve been there to protect her from venomous bitches like Melissa. I knew she wouldn’t leave it alone. Fuck, half those girl scare me!”

  I turned and slid down the wall, sitting with my knees bent and my arms resting on top of them. Aiden followed me down. “Look, man, Mia will come around. I know she will, and I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, but she just needs time. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, last week was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. I want to see her like that again, and if it’s you that does that for her, then I’m all for it.”

  With my jaw clenched, I nodded. I couldn’t manage anything else. It meant a fucking lot to me that he felt that way. “I’ll never give up on her. If she never remembers, I’ll just make her fall in love with me again.”

  I glanced across at him and saw a smirk play on his lips. “Piece of cake.”

  My gaze turned to a glare. “You have no fucking idea…”

  “I have maybe a little bit of an idea.”

  Chapter 52

  Mia

  For a place that had been my home since the day I was born, it didn’t feel right. For the first time ever, it felt like it was missing something.

  I wandered around, lost, wondering what it could possibly be.

  It wasn’t until I was sitting on the edge of my bed, gazing around at my familiar surroundings, that I realized it wasn’t the house. It was me. Something about me didn’t feel right.

  Thinking about it, I’d really been like that since yesterday. Since Jace had come to see me at the hospital. I’d thought what he’d said had broken something inside me, but the truth was, the instant he’d left, I felt like he’d taken a part of me with him. I felt incomplete.

  The feeling confused me. I didn’t understand what that meant. It didn’t match up to what I’d decided was the truth. And that scared me.

  Both Mom and Aiden tried to talk to me numerous times, but I just couldn’t. There was no way I was admitting to either of them what I’d done with Jace. Even the thought of talking to Kaeli about it had me flushing with shame.

  The only thing I could think to do about it, was make sure I stayed away from Jace. Far away as possible. Until I could make even a little bit of sense about it, it was the only thing I could think to do.

  “You okay?”

  I looked up to see Aiden standing in the doorway. Inhaling slowly, I narrowed my eyes in an uncertain kind of way.

  He came towards me slowly and sat down on the end of my bed. “What’s going on?”

  I pursed my lips as I thought and gazed down at the carpet. “I don’t know. I just feel…off…”

  Concern instantly spread over his face. “Does your head hurt?”

  I frowned, and dropped my gaze again. “No, it’s not that. I don’t feel off…physically…” Sighing, I looked up to meet his gaze. “I just feel kind of lost. Like I’m missing something. I don’t know. It’s weird. You know how when you know you’re forgetting something and it makes you feel sick? It’s like that – like I’ve forgotten something really important.”

  Something flashed in his eyes. It was gone too quickly for me to decipher, but I thought maybe it looked like hope. “Do you have any idea what that might be?”

  I studied him while I thought. I remembered the way he’d spoken about Jace in the hospital. About the way Jace had been hurting. If that had been hope flashing in his eyes, and it was Jace he was hopeful about, then that could only mean one thing.

  He wanted us to be together.

  That thought shocked me more than surprised me. Aiden knew just how much of a slut Jace was. Why would he want us to be together? I wanted to ask him, but I just didn’t know if what I would hear would be the truth, or if it would be what Aiden perceived as the truth.

  “I’m trying not to think about it. The doctor said the best way to get my memories back was to not force it. I’m not even allowed to use my phone. Apparently looking at a backlit screen is bad for my brain or something…”

  He scratched his chin while he watched me. “I think that’s great advice, but I also think you shouldn’t be making decisions about the things you can’t remember until you either do remember, or at least understand them.”

  He knew I knew what he was talking about. “I think I understand enough…”

  “Baby girl, you think you do, but I’m one hundred percent sure you don’t.”

  I looked up at him with surprise. He sounded so confident. Did he know something I didn’t?

  “Just…don’t make assumptions, okay? Keep your mind open. And relax like the good ol’ doc said. Life’s good, baby girl. You have a rock star brother!”

  I laughed then. Yeah, looking at it that way, life was pretty good. I was happy for him. Happy for the whole band. I had to trust everything would work out for the best.

  ***

  By Saturday afternoon, I’d had enough of someone watching my every move. If it wasn’t Mom, it was Aiden. Constantly. Watching. It was like they were frightened I was going to keel over any moment. It was either that, or they were waiting for me to simply flip the
hell out. All I knew was that it was really starting to piss me off.

  Standing in the kitchen with the both of them flittering about me, making sure my every need was taken care of, I snapped. “Okay, enough!”

  They both stopped what they were doing and stared at me. All I could see in their expressions was confusion, and that annoyed me even more.

  “You both need to stop. I can’t take much more. I’m fine, okay? I may not be able to remember some things, but I’m fine. Having you both constantly swarming over me is suffocating. Give me some god damned space! Aiden, I’m sure there’s probably a party you could go to, and Mom, what about your usual Saturday night cooking thing?”

  Aiden just pressed his lips together, eyes narrowed, and Mom just stood there, opening and closing her mouth like she was trying to work out what to say. “I thought it’d be best if I stayed home tonight,” she said. “Just in case…”

  “No.” I didn’t give her room to argue. “I’m only going to say it one more time. I’m fine. The doctor told me that. You were there so you know it’s the truth. Go cook.” I swung my eyes to Aiden. “And you.” I watched a tiny smirk pull on the corners of his lips. “Go party or whatever it is you usually do on a Saturday night.”

  They both looked at me defiantly.

  Putting my hands on my hips, I narrowed my eyes dangerously. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I mean it. I’m not going to break.”

  Aiden shrugged. He knew I meant business. Mom on the other hand…she just looked uneasy. “I don’t know, Mia. I’m worried about you. I can’t just go out and leave you here like that…”

  “Yes, you can. Text me if you feel the need, but I need you to do this.”

  She sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a moment or two. When she opened them again, she looked at me and bit her lip, still worrying. “Okay, but I will be texting, and if you don’t respond right away, I’m coming straight home.”

  Internally, I exhaled with relief. “Good. Now both of you go get ready. I need some peace and quiet.”

  I watched them both disappear to get ready before I slipped back into my room. I glanced at my phone sitting on my bedside table as I did every time I walked into my room. I still hadn’t touched it. The doctor had said I’d probably be right to resume the whole backlit thing by today – hence why Mom said she’d be texting me, but I was still a little scared to look at it.

  It wasn’t the fear of what the lit screen could do to me, it was what I might find if I started looking through it. I knew I’d already decided what kind of relationship Jace and I had, but I think I still had hopes of Aiden and Kaeli being right. The thought of finding something on my phone that confirmed my suspicions scared me.

  Picking it up, I crawled into the middle of my bed and sat, pulling my pillow to my chest and holding it there like a safety blanket.

  It was still lying on the comforter in front of me when both Aiden and Mom stepped in to say goodbye half an hour later. When they were gone, I continued to stare at it, trying to gather the strength I needed to face my fears.

  With shaking hands and racing heart, I did it. I picked it up and unlocked it. The first surprise that came was the fact that I now apparently had a pin. I’d never had a pin before. I’d never had the need. A slight panic hit me when I thought I’d have no way of knowing what it could be, but then I was typing in a number and the phone was unlocking.

  I blinked. How had I done that?

  Exhaling a shaky breath, I opened up my messages. Jace’s name was sitting right on top. I stared at it for a little while, my confidence quickly fading. Before it could disappear altogether, I opened up the conversation.

  Forcing myself to not read anything, I scrolled up as far as the messages went. I wanted to read it from the very beginning. It was the only way I was going to be able to understand what we had.

  When I reached the part that said there were no earlier messages, I took a deep breath and started to read…

  Hey beautiful. Are you ok?

  Yeah, I’m fine. Just had a moment. Aiden sucks with his stupid twintuition thing.

  I frowned. This was confusing. I wondered why he was asking if I was okay. With a sigh, I kept reading.

  So it’s true what they say about twins then?

  It is with us. Our twintuition is scary.

  Can I come see you later?

  I think I need you to. I’ll leave the sliding door unlocked.

  What? I needed to see him? What was that about? I groaned. This was not making anything clearer. If anything, it was only making me more confused. I wanted to know what happened.

  Sighing, I read the next message from Jace.

  Soooo wish I could see you tonight…

  I’m heading out to meet Kaeli later. I could pop in to say hi if you want ;)

  What the hell?! I gawked at the words I’d written with wide eyes. Holy shit. Was I suggesting a freaking booty call?!

  Yes please! Ruby will be asleep by 8.

  Are you serious?

  More than you could know. It shouldn’t be possible after last night, but I think I’m already having withdrawals. I want you.

  Okay

  My mouth had fallen open in a silent O. Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw firsthand how much of a slut I’d been. How could this have happened?

  Forcing myself to keep going, I read.

  Are you going to the party tonight?

  Um…you know I don’t do parties…

  Yeah, I do. I thought maybe I could come see you instead.

  :( Not a lot of point I don’t think. Wrong time of the month…

  That’s ok. There’s always next week :)

  My eyes bugged. My god! It really was just about sex. I was horrified.

  The next message had me sitting up with interest though.

  Are you not talking to me?

  Uh…I didn’t really think there was any point. I’m assuming we’re done now…

  Why?

  You know why.

  No. I don’t. Explain it to me.

  I told you I wouldn’t continue with it if you saw other girls.

  I frowned. Okay, so I’d put rules in place. That was interesting.

  I’m not seeing anyone...

  Jace, I know about Violet.

  I’m sorry.

  Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong, Thank you for everything xx

  I groaned. This wasn’t making any sense. On one hand, it looked as though I’d grown a conscience, which was relieving and lifted my spirits a little, but on the other hand, he’d obviously slept with Violet, and I was thanking him. What was wrong with me?

  But then obviously something had happened, because a few weeks later, there were more texts.

  You’d better be coming to the beach!

  Are you serious? I thought it’d give me the perfect excuse to come see you!

  Mom’s home, so it’s not possible.

  You’re really going to the beach?

  I thought it’d be worth it if I got to see you...

  I’ll text Aid to pick me up ;)

  Xx

  I could see there was an obvious difference in the tone of the texts between that conversation and the last one. There was an excitement at the thought of seeing each other – outside of the bedroom. My heart lifted a little.

  I stared at the little kisses I’d sent him. To me, that indicated some form of romance.

  Then…

  You have no idea how sexy you look right now. I want you in those bikinis tonight. I’ll be there at 9. Leave your balcony door unlocked.

  Even though the text was obviously sex related, it made me smile a little. He’d been watching me at the beach. He thought I was sexy.

  Are you okay?

  I’m fine

  You didn’t look fine…

  Now that confused me. I really wanted to know what happened.

  Can I ring you?

  OK

  I was growing frustrated with the gaps in the conversations. Why c
ouldn’t we have communicated more via text?

  I should warn you. Aiden knows about us.

  What? How?!

  Sorry. That probably looked a lot worse than it should’ve. What I should’ve said is: Aiden knows we like each other.

  Was he mad?

  Maybe a little, but it’s not his fault. He’s worried about you. Said he’d beat the shit out of me if I ever hurt you ;)

  OMG pls tell me you’re joking...

  Uh....

  I frowned at that last one. It kind of matched up with what Aiden and Kaeli had said, but it was still obvious no one really knew what was going on between us. I thought about how sad Jace had seemed at the hospital. If it’d just been about sex, would he have been so upset? All of it just confused me even more.

  I closed my messages down and opened my photos. As soon as it opened, I found myself staring at a picture of Jace and me together. It looked like Jace was holding my phone to take the picture. I was wearing a really sexy red dress, which made me blush just looking at it, and Jace was wearing a pair of jeans with a white button down shirt. He looked hot.

  I stared at the picture for a long time, trying to see the girl in the picture as actually being me. It was almost impossible. I flicked to the next picture, but there were no more of the two of us together.

  Putting my phone into sleep mode, I curled up on my bed and closed my eyes. My head was a swirling mess. I didn’t know how any of that fit in with what I’d imagined. It didn’t make any sense. Sighing, I forced myself to push it all out of my mind and go to sleep.

  My dreams were filled with Jace. It was just picture after picture, scene after scene, of just him with me, smiling, laughing, caring for me, gentle, and loving. The warmth of it all flooded me. It roused my soul from its confused state and set it on fire.

  I woke crying. I was a mess. Everything was rushing back to me at the speed of light. I could remember it all, and burning brightest, is the memory of him gazing into my eyes and telling me he loved me.

  I cried so hard I could hardly breathe. All I could think about was how he’d looked in the hospital, how devastated he’d seemed. I’d caused him so much pain. The memory of it in his eyes was like a knife plunged straight into my heart. I couldn’t believe what I’d done to him.